“Grief just takes time” or “time heals all wounds”. We have all heard it. Likely, we have even said it. This idea that “time heals” just might be the biggest lie regarding loss.
Time only passes…it does nothing.
It is what we do within time that affects the quality of our lives.
Russell Friedman from the Grief Recovery Institute explains it this way,
The false idea that time heals emotional wounds is based on a misunderstanding of the normal human reaction to losses of all kinds. In our immediate reaction to the death of someone important to us, it’s normal and natural at first to have a sense of numbness, and is usually accompanied by an inability to concentrate or focus.
Here’s where the myth of time healing gets its false foothold. As we adapt to the new, and usually painful reality of the death, we begin to be able to function a little better. With that comes the illusion that time has healed us, but all that’s really happened is that we’re adapting to the physical absence of the other person.
This is a dangerous illusion. Grief is a normal and natural response to loss of any kind. As we move through life with unresolved grief, it affects our relationships with everyone around us.
Our ability to function in healthy manner is incredibly compromised.
Unresolved grief constantly triggers emotions within us and when those triggers happen, you have no choice but to go to whatever means necessary to numb the pain.
Makes sense right? Because we have never been taught how to navigate the pain of grief.
What does that look like? Drinking, eating, shopping, watching porn, being easily angered, isolating, sleeping all the time, binge watching TV…
If you are having a hard time being present in your own life, you are likely being affected and controlled by unresolved grief.
We can adapt to loss. Most of us have done it many times. But adapting is not flourishing.
The key to recovery from grief is action, not time!
Imagine that you are driving along the road and your tire blows out, so you pull over to the side of the road. If you subscribed to the myth that time heals, it would be like you taking out a beach chair and sitting on the side of the road and waiting for time to fix your tire. Kinda ridiculous, right?
This very obvious story illustrates the insanity of thinking that your tire will be fixed without taking action…which is the same insanity that your heart will be fixed without taking action.
An emotionally broken heart is remarkably like that of a flat tire. The ability to fully participate in life is limited, if it exists at all.
However, you can take action to help complete what is unresolved in you due to a death, divorce, or any other loss you have experienced. Actions that lead to emotional completion have the potential to change everything.
Click here for information on our next Grief Recovery Outreach Program that is starting tonight here in Austin, Texas.
Learn more about the tools of surviving loss and discover how to truly grieve by checking out The Grief Recovery Method. This describes what we do and what we teach at Freedom From Grief.
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